Old Josh, in: "The Auction" ((1865)(part one of three))

“There aint a hoss I ever did see that I git a liken for cuz they aint worth it, youall got to feed them, and water them, and bed them, and they cant do a thing fer themselves,” said Old Josh, adding, “they aint worth a dollar for anyone of them, that ther saddle over yonder over that there fence pole is worth more than the hosses. Yessum those hosses cause yaw nothin’ but trouble. And ef’in I had my choice, I’d kill them all fer horse meat, and feed them to the hogs—Yessum they aint worth a cent now that I think of it.”
The Auctioneer told everyone to get ready, the auction was about to start, there were several men sitting on the fence posts of the corral waiting to bid on the five-horses, that is all they had, five-horses inside the corral, and not all that great looking either:
“Come-on boys!” said Josh, but Silas didn’t move, he said, “Wes got to buy a hoss cuz Mr. Hightower done gave you twenty-dollars pa, and I hears him say, ‘Josh now yous better listen up, cuz I wants a hoss, and I wants him today, you hear me?’ and you say, ‘I hears you Mr. Hightower, dont you worry none, cuz I got it all figured out!”

A few of the buyers looked towards Josh, and Josh said in a whisper,
“Shut yo’ mouth, I is doin’ business but yous jes’ dont know it!”
Jordon then said, “Come on now pa, wes gittin’ hungry, buy a hoss so we can go on home and eat.” (It was getting hot, and late in the afternoon,)
“Ok son, I gives them fifteen-cents for that there hoss with the big eyes, brin’ that there hoss over here son, I wants to see him closer…!”
And the stable boy did as he was told, and Josh made faces at the horse to irritate him, and even spit in the horses face, and gave it a good slap on the snout, and the horse jerked and jumped a bit, became unmanageable for a moment; no one saw Josh spit, or slap the horse, no one but Josh, Silas and the stable boy, as Josh evidently preferred it.
“Go on now,” said Josh, “and when yous go around this corral again, bring that there hoss back to me.”

“Ok, forks,” said the auctioneer, “how about five-dollars a head to start out with, five dollars for any one horse you see.”
And some tall white guy, sitting on Mr. Smile’s fence, where the auction was being held, said, “I reckon I can say five for that one with the big eyes.”
Said the auctioneer,
“That there horse is the best of the lot how about ten or even twenty dollars for it, do I hear a higher bid?”
The boy brought the horse with the big eyes back around to Old Josh, and he went to pat the horse on the face—making sure everyone saw him do it—and the horse jerked back, and the man who bet five dollars, saw him jerk back, and Josh made a face, Josh looked as if he was scared (but he wasn’t of course, it was all show and tell), and the tall man, looked like he was going to bid ten dollars, but after seeing the horse buck backwards, and jerk, and Josh shudder, he stopped suddenly with his bid, looked at the auctioneer, said with a sceptical voice,
“I’m a given’ it to anyone who wants it for $6.00 because I’m not bidding another dollar for that wild beast.”
Old Josh quickly said,
“I suppose I gots to take the wild one, cuz I’s a nigger, and youall want the best, so I gits the worse, ok, gives me the hoss for $6.00 and I take him as he is.”
The Auctioneer was dumbfounded, but the horse almost took a bite out of Josh’s hand, so what could he say,
“Ok, Josh, Mr. Hightower’s got a real deal on this horse.” (And the auctioneer went onto the next horse.)

Old Josh, he looked happier than a mouse with a pound of cheese on his back, walked away with the horse, said to his two boys,
“Yo’ ole pa, he aint so dump as youall think he is,” and he laughed all the way back to the Hightower Plantation, which was not all that far, and said with a sly voice, walking with a calm horse now,
“We done goin’ to git fourteen dollar worth of moonshine from Granny Mae. And I thinks we is goin’ to call the hoss, dynamite!”


For Mike Siluk 677 7-21-2008